More drama I don't need

in my life that I don't know if I want to deal with. And to think, I was getting over the so-called break up and I managed to line up a couple dates in advance for next month. So, I was happy and content with running miles and taking care of not only my dog, but a foster dog also. I was busy doing things. And now, I've added more drama.

Last Sat, while preparing to attend a friend's wedding, Chris called to talk. We chatted about dull stuff; what we've been doing the last couple of weeks, etc. The whole conversation, I'm wondering, "why are you calling me? I thought we broke up which means, no communcation, no contact, no nothing." I had already removed him from my cell phone listing, I deleted his email address. I threw away whatever info I had on him and that was that. A new chapter in my life. Then he calls.

So, we are talking and he gets to the reason why he's calling when I mention that I thought he wanted a "break". That's when he tells me that he's been thinking about things and he's been depressed and unhappy and he misses me and he's made a mistake and apologized and asked me to give him a second chance if I would take him back.

Hmm. The ball's in my court. I could have ripped his heart out, stomped on it and told him off. But I didn't. I'm too nice a person. And I missed him and here was my opportunity to try this whole mess again and if things don't work out this second time, then it's a final goodbye. Against my better judgement and my "I don't do re-visits" mindset, I took him back and we went out for dinner the next day (Sunday) and we had several fucks after. I should have abstained but I didn't feel like it that day. They weren't even good ones either. What to do...

In my mind, I'm still going to date other people. I'm not going to throw my eggs all in one basket, so to speak, only because Chris hasn't proven to me that he's committed to this relationship. The only thing he has proven is that he over-analyzes, makes a decision without discussing it with me especially when I'm involved, and then jumps the gun and bails.

I'm not going to look into this too much and just have fun and enjoy the company. We are not bf/gf and that's fine with me since I have every intention to date other people. Nothing wrong with that and he doesn't need to know.

On Sun, Chris asked if I would like to join him in Las Vegas toward the end of his haz mat training on Thurs evening/Friday/Sat morning. I thought about it Monday and decided that I wasn't going to go. I felt it was too early after getting back together. Then, I thought some more yesterday and hell, I want to go and this would be a perfect opportunity to see what he's really like. So, I made the arrangements and I'm going.

Tonight, we have a dinner date in Burlingame. I'm looking forward to seeing him but at the same time, I'm being cautious and reserved about this. I want to take things slowly. I'm reminding myself to just have fun and not think and analyze too much. That would just be a waste of my time and I don't need that additional drama.